I think recovery started for me when I was able to identify things in my life which were worth living for. That made me consider whether I wanted to continue to become more unwell, or whether I wanted to fight the eating issue. That was the first step – the journey itself was full of ups and downs. Many times I wanted to give up and felt like the eating issue had taken control of me again.
I was blessed to have great support, people to walk beside me and remind me why life was worth sticking around for and why I was working so hard to be well. These people helped to strengthen the part of me that was fighting the voice of my eating issue.
Recovery for me is the place where I can step back from the thoughts about food and my body and see them for what they are – just thoughts. It’s a place where I can be flexible in the way I respond to these thoughts and the choices I make in relation to food and to my body.
Recovery isn’t a complete absence of the concerns which lead to my eating issue, rather an ability to be intentional in making the choice to stay well, even when those things pop up for me. Having reached this place, I sometimes surprise myself when I realise that I haven’t been acutely aware of my body size or shape or distracted by thoughts of what I will or won’t eat. My body and my mind have changed, but I feel a real sense of freedom in this place of being more well than I would have imagined to be possible. And I realise the hard work it took to get here really was worth it.